02:52

Ruth deutschmann

Benjamin Epp

Wien

Sylvia Manning - Baumgartner

1919

I had a rocking horse. It was a used one and the paint had peeled off. But it rocked very well. Later on my father brought it to a friend of his, a professional painter, I don't know if artistic or not. I was very young, maybe four years old. We still lived in the other flat at the time. I was very hot-tempered as a little child. But I did get a beating for that. When it got too much for me I went into the adjoining room, to the bedroom where the rocking horse was. I got on the horse and rocked as hard as I could. And yelled: "Birdie, you fly out into the world and leave me at home alone!" That is quite a sad little song. I yelled it, loudly, and cried and rocked. Once my grandmother came for a visit. At first she watched, then she started roaring with laughter. "It looks so cute, he's so angry and singing and crying at the same time." When I had let my anger out I was fine again. That's just it. What more did I want to say? Right. But that was a bit later. Again my grandmother visited us, she came from Gratkorn. Her husband had died and she was very sad and cried. As a small boy, I didn't understand but I saw she was crying. I said to her: "Don't cry grandmother, it'll be fine by the time you get married." She laughed at that. And father said: "You said just the right thing." He used to tell me the same thing when I cried. And, without knowing what it meant, I was able to console my grandmother, by repeating the saying.